Can Failure Be a Good Thing?

You have a goal something you really want and things don’t go right.  Then What?  Do you fold and give up your dreams or figure out how to regroup?

Fold up and “Host a Pity Me Party”? Not an option for me.

So how do we figure out how to regroup? Think on your end goal and your plan and the process you used to make your attempt.  Analyze it just as if you were watching a sports instant replay and answer these questions.  Don’t play the blame game or the “if only’s”!  Actually analyze the process – take the time it is worth it.

  • Is your end goal reasonable and attainable in the time frame you gave it?
  • Where did you start to notice a faltering in your path?
  • Was there a piece of information or training you were missing?
  • Were you sending yourself “failure” messages – setting yourself up for failure?

Perhaps your goal is very worthwhile to you and reasonable and attainable, but… 

  • You need more time than you allotted because you needed more information, tools, training to complete the task.
  • You were of the mind set of watering weeds as well as flowers in your mental garden?

Positive thought patterns of focusing on the end goal while working on the process of working the plan is the way to go.

Having a goal and failing and then regrouping is the same as a baby learning to walk.

  • How many times does the baby pull himself up on a piece of furniture or Dad’s pant leg and sit down quickly?
  • How many times does the baby take a step holding on to furniture letting go and plopping down quickly?
  • How many times does the baby topple over before walking to where he wants to go?
  • And, how many times does he stumble and fall before he can take off and run?
  • The answer to the above is: “As many times as needed to reach the goal of running.”

Take a lesson from the little ones in our lives.  Strive for our goal, fall, regroup, pick ourselves up and have another go. Like the baby striving to become a toddler keep going and focus on the process and learn from mistakes.

Always get up one more time than you fall and you will succeed.

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“Use the losses and failures of the past as a reason for action, not inaction.” Charles J. Givens



Why does it always happen to me??

Ever said that?  I am sure it has as we all have that feeling when under stress.  But what caused the situation?  You might think it’s my boss, my spouse, where I live,  or this and that external force.

But, the root of the cause is most likely an internal one.

What?  Am I really bringing this on myself?  Maybe….  We set ourselves up for many things with our “autopilot” our rote behaviors that are so ingrained that we are not conscious of them.  Some autopilots are not harmful, but others are repeated destructive patterns that are devastating to us.  The more these behavior patterns are repeated the more ingrained and automatic they become.

So what do I do now?  Recognize them and make changes!  But, it’s not that easy to find something that is imbedded in the unconscious.  If there are certain areas of your life e.g. relationships [friends and romantic ones], jobs, health, finances that always seem to be loaded with problems or disappointments – look deeper.  Check out your beliefs regarding that area.

Thoughts are the foundation of beliefs.  When we focus on a thought or accept a belief as true we are attracting that reality to us.  So if you feel unworthy of a romantic relationship, you will attract unsuitable dates.  If you feel that it is always hard to be financially secure you will always struggle with money.  If you feel it is soooo hard to find a real “good job”, guess what you will not find a “good job”.

Most times we base our thoughts and beliefs on external or materialistic wants.  When we look inside and focus on our feelings.  When in search of a good job to make us happy or fulfilled it is likely we will drift from job to job feeling more unhappy with each job change.

I was like this as a therapist.  At first I enjoyed my job as a neurological rehab specialist, then things changed.

    • What changed was my attitude as well as my inability to “go with the flow” with the health care regulation changes.
    • Sitting down with myself and listing what had been good about the work, I discovered that it was fulfillment of my desire to help and make a difference.
    • When employers or regulations became focused on financial efficiency of work force not helping rehabilitate patients, I became dissatisfied.
    • When I was told that I had to provide services to Mr X who did not want services, but had good insurance. And, was told I could not provide anything but basic services to Mr Y because he was on Medicaid. Even though Mr Y was motivated and could benefit from rehab – I was really frustrated.
    • I blamed this on the job.
    • I did not realize that I was not listening to my internal feeling and need to be of service to make a difference.  Hmmmm…

Through this I discovered that I was causing my own destruction, by not being able to listen and go with my internal needs.  I had been looking to my employer to meet the internal needs rather than to my feelings.  I had been thinking with my head and not feeling with my heart.

There are many ways to be of service and to help and to make a difference.  I know, I have looked into a lot, with my thinking head.  Then I “wised up” and let my feeling heart into the search.  I discovered that the head said healthcare was the way to go and my heart said helping is not limited to healthcare!

I am now joyfully working in a career that allows me to help people who want to grow and I believe that I am able to make a difference one person at a time. Yipeee..

What areas of your life are problems to you?  Maybe your soul is trying to let you know you are out of touch with your inner gifts and desires.  Pay attention to these messages and look inside to see.  “Wise Up” and let your feeling heart into the search for the “why does this always happen to me?”  Remember all of us come into our lives with gifts, skills and a purpose to share with the world.  Look with your feeling heart and act on it.